This is kind of a difficult topic for me to broach but I’m going to attempt it here. I have been depressed for a very long time. I don’t know why and thinking about it and speculating only makes it worse. I am in the process of getting help though so thumbs up there. (On that note please check out my charity link on the right. With just a few clicks you can help out people who need help with depression and suicide.) I have been really far down, I have contemplated suicide. I have contemplated running off and living in destitution. I have thought about a lot of dumb things. The sad thing is I know a lot of my friends who have also gone, or are still going, through the same thing. For years I have tried to help council my friends through their problems without telling most of them that I myself wanted to die. (Who’s gonna take life advice from a suicidal?) There have been a few people who over the years have stood the test of time. Some of them make me happy just upon seeing them. Others, while not instantly uplifting me, have been with me through thick and thin for so long that just knowing they are out there thinking about me or worrying about me sometimes brings me cheer.
I want to really quickly give credit where credit’s due. The people who have meant so much to me.
Stephanie – Your smile and bubbly spirit brightens my day every time I see you. You have such a stunning subtle wisdom about you sometimes.
Chris B. – You helped me in ways imperceptible even to me. Maybe it’s just that you remind me of old friends. Maybe it’s because from the moment I met you treated me like an old friend, I don’t know but you make a difference.
John S. – You, like Stephanie, have this enormous smile that just lights up my heart. You are full of energy, always well dressed. You always seem happy to see me, that means a lot to me. Also, as subtle as this may seem, I rarely hear you have a negative word about anyone.
Mike F. – I’ve known you for so long that for the past 5+ years that I haven’t lived near you I feel like a part of me is missing. You were the Silicon to my Toyzz. 🙂 We both are screwed up in the head but together we could rule the world sir, mad genius style. 🙂
Billy C. – The man who I probably most idolized in my early 20’s. Catch phrase: “Ain’t no thing but a chicken wing”. A more generous person I would be hard pressed to find. I lived with this man for 4 or so years and I miss him every day.
Joey T – When I really thought I was gonna die, when I was at my lowest, When I thought my life was over… You picked me up, brushed me off and kept me going. You got me back on the cigg’s but I hold no ill will sir because if anyone’s generosity could compare to billy’s it would be yours sir. I saw you give, and give and give. You gave me my life back. Thank you sir, I am forever in debt.
Tyson D. – Without you I would have spent a lot longer wallowing in my own self pity and loathing. You introduced me to hockey, the bruins and back into some other things too. (You know what I mean sir.) I am also forever in your debt. I have never met a person who seems to be so happy so often. Just laid back, relaxed, who gives a fuck! (unless of course pitsburgh beats the bruins then lets go fuck up some penguins! lol)
Miklo – My lord man, you have had a rough time recently too, but every time I talk to you it’s the same as it’s always been. Oh well man, another day, all I can do is keep moving forward and keep a positive outlook. Always quick with a joke. Always ready to drop anything for me. Mad love Homie. (GOAT! lol)
Mike N. – I know you’ll never read this sir, but without you I would never ever have made it this far. You introduced me to a whole new level of spirituality that I never even considered. You forever altered my life. Moreso than most I would say. To this day I still consider you my mentor. I only wish it was easier to keep in touch cause I miss you so much.
Amber A. – I loved you, and although I still have mixed emotions on our friendship and how it ended I wouldn’t be here without you. For over a year you let me yack your ear off after work when we both should have been sleeping. You also trusted me when most people wouldn’t have. I still love you and always will.
Brett R. – Man I am not gonna lie. In High School you annoyed the fuck out of me. But in the past 4 years you have redeemed yourself to me. Every time I am down and I post something negative and shitty I probably shouldn’t on Facebook you are right there with a wisecrack that always makes me laugh. Sir you are wise beyond your years and I wonder if even you know how important those Facebook comments meant to me. It means someone out there is paying attention and that’s really important to me.
Finally but not Least important are my mother and my sister. I have not always been the best son/brother. but through it all you were always there for me. No matter what I needed or what it is I am going through you are always there for me and for that I can never ever ever pay you back, and that hurts me deep down inside, but I guess that’s what family is for right? Mad love guys.
If I forgot you or your name isn’t on the list it doesn’t mean that I don’t value you, or that I have forgotten what you have contributed to my life. I have had so many awesome friends over the many years here on this planet and I can’t possibly remember or thank everyone but all you remember that I love you all, you have meant so much to me and If I have hurt you in anyway I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
Always remember guys that to live happy you need to live in an “Attitude of Gratitude” and also Hug everyone you see today. There is something magical about a hug. When someone I care about hugs me everything else goes away and I feel so much better. I feel uplifted and loved. (If I lift you off the ground when I hug you (and theres a number of you out there who know what I’m talking about) It means that your hug has made me so happy I want to explode so feel good about it.)
So hug everyone you see today!